this is going to be a really random entry cos there's a lot of thoughts flooding thru my mind, alot of events which i didn't managed to blog abt due to the interuption of exams. so bear with it if u happen to bump into this entry, make a choice now, either continue reading and finish it up and leave me a tag, or just switch away from this site immediately becos this blog entry won't concern u or u will be wasting 0.01% of ur lifetime reading junk.lol. yah enough of my crapping.

i think what's been on my mind most recently is the issue of love.
haha... okie, not in the way u guys may think of it as lah!!!
when a person loves,
he/she shouldn't love with words only. because that's not true love.
i am getting nowhere.

let me arrange my thoughts abit more eh.
what prompted me to say that.
cell grp last sun.
what is love really?

i've been in church for more than 3 years le.
sometimes i ask myself
do i really love God?
if yes, why do i always dread going to church?
how could i even fall asleep during service when paster kong is so charismatic?
why am i not behaving like a christian
not loving people fervantly,
and dun even care less abt their daily lives?
actually thus far i havent got an answer myself.

jocelin and joanne said
that the fact then i stayed on for 3 years plus,
even when there are times i really wish i could backslide,
is because i did love God.
in my heart i said.
the shiyun who truely loved God with her actions
was shiyun in secondary sch.

with love comes action.
i mean people dun love with words.
when u love someone it's a spontenous mechanism in ur brain and ur heart
that u will want to do something for that person.
i think i'm starting to get lost liao.
okie... so much abt philosophies of love.

i need to make a conscious effort to care more abt people ard me.
and i need to make a conscious effort not to feel lousy abt myself.
and what bro simon(cell grp leader) say is what i want to share here to.
"it doesn't matter how other people may look at you, it matters how God looks at you"
"it takes a thick skin and a thin heart"
it takes alot.
i think many people always have this misconception that i have a thick skin,
but no, i am a very sensitive person
and very easily hurt by other people's comment,
i have a lot of insecurities too. lolx...
i am very sefish also because sometimes things i blurt out hurts people alot and i'd regret after saying all those things but will be very embarassed and nv apologise.
arggg.... i must LOVE PEOPLE!!!!!!
people i am so sorry for not loving u all enough. :(

no mood to blog on.
do SOMETHING shiyun