Thank you zhanting, for your spring roll.
Thank you zhanting and ser for pointing out to me that my zit is real big and very AA.

This is like... the fifth time i'm readin the entry. silly me... i've forgotten to factor in the possibility of her not seeing the letter at all.

亲爱的乌龟。。。

我留下了一篇空白，因为有很多我要说的话涌上心头，我不懂从何说起。
今天去看演出，我的眼睛像水龙头，忍不住哭了好几次。

这次演出我一点忙也没帮上，我实在觉得很惭愧。不是因为我没有机会，是我给自己太多借口。对不起。。。
我们今天好象都没有正面接触，就连我把那朵玫瑰递给你的时候，你也只是匆忙地说了一句“我又不是演员”，握了我的手，仓促地转过身子，消失了。其实我当时是想给你一个拥抱的。无法做到，好遗憾。我也转身走了，眼角那包泪珠不听使唤的落下，脑子说：“那是地心引力。”我的心却紧接着说：“不，那是你留下的震撼。”
对不起，今天没有向你打招呼，我知道，你最讨厌不讲礼貌的学生。
我看到那些中一的小瓜们，回想起我中一的时候，也是ursher,was at tampines cultural club. and you were just the same you, never changed. haha... remember that big bell? it was so obiang. you told wenjie and i to ring in all ard tampines cultural club to signal to the audience that the show's starting.
你坐在我旁边时，我觉得好尴尬，我一直是背对着你，没有交谈。这。。。一点也不像以前的我们。那时，我觉得自己像一坨大便（just like a piece of shit) i couldn't be of any help, and onli there to 摆美。我假装镇定，假装若无其事地跟朋友开玩笑。
真的想起好多好多。记得以前总爱在你桌子放小东西、总爱有事没事地写些鼓励的字条、总爱调皮的催你改作业、总爱在朋友面前夸你有多好、总爱期待文学课的到来。
老师，你。。。记得我吗？我是诗韵。
还是你已经找到了能够取代我的人选了？
渐渐地，我们好象失去了话题，失去了那种“感觉”。我记得以前我们好象无所不谈，即使心情不这么好时，谈着谈着，心也会轻许多。
现在，我们两是否都在刻意地制造话题呢？我好怕。。。你说我们会是很久的朋友，我怕时间会使我慢慢地失去你这个朋友。我曾写过那首“情书”的诗，是写给你的。


我想写一封情书，给我的挚爱。

晴
我的心在下雨，
蒙胧一片，
我看不清 X 的表情。
雨声淅沥淅沥，X 的唇在摆动
我听不见 X 的声音。
距离越来越远，
这场雨无情地下着
直到 X 的背影模糊
直到 X 的唇语模糊
消失在人海茫茫


因为我们的谈话缩水了，每每都是三两句的客套。那时我想与你交谈，但。。。
也许是我多心了。。。
“制造回忆比活在回忆更开心” 我好象也别有一番体会。。。
无论如何，明天，一定也要加油哦！你的热忱，我看到了，摸到了，感觉到了。真的。
永远爱你的
朋友
诗韵

AHH i need onli 0.5 mark to move my econs to grade C. Ms wong didn't even give me e half mark!!!
anyhow... i'm pretty suprise when i checked the results today, some didn't turn out like i've speculated. in the end it's a DDDE, it could have looked a little nicer if it's CDDE. Still, thank God for that. :)
PW is making me stress! Veera is so smart he's making me feel intimidated.
haha... and 1 interesting fact, my maths grade though quite poor, puts me 4th in my class and i'm 10 marks poorer than e 3rd(zhanting), but out class ranked 33/35 classes in the cohort. we must jiayou le!

firstly, i wanna thank God that i've passed my GP~ which is a relief cos passing GP = parents dun nid see principal. and i'm pretty taken aback that i've passed because i thought my essay was poorly written and my compre was worst. i think veera had been VERY VERY lenient cos i made blantant grammatical errors and the whole paper's filled with red ink. and i am fortunate that the qn i chose was marked by him cos i believe other teacher would have flunked me. i'm getting to like veera's teaching style more and more, laid back, yet not slack. i cant help but feel tense when he asks qn, cos he always gives witty reply, and it kindda make me feel that i haven't been thinking enough. i wouldn't say he's a charismatic speaker, but i would certainly say he make the mark for an A grade teacher. 'A' in his intelligence. the interesting aspect of this makeup is his pronounciation. violence always end up sounding like "Y"lence, and develop becomes devilop.

zt and nyap got the same marks for GP essay but there was a stark contrast between their expectations lolx.... nyap was real satisfied and zt goes... " aiya so 'LAN' " lolx...

PW was going quite smoothly too, so i hope things would remain this way.

and the year end immersion trip. i want to go china! but zt and umbrella head going taiwan~ argg!! it's not so fun without the fun frens ard!nvertheless, china is my dream destination lah, so i'll stick to it, no matter wad. i even wrote about how much i wanted to step on the chinese soil in my essay "my dream destination" last year and i scored 20/30 for that. hahaha.... china!!

any ccc senior reading this, think cant expect sth good to come out of the farewell party since our given budget for food is $100 for 30 pple, meaning that we'd cater bean sprouts, beancurd, tofu, complete with soya bean milk for the sumptious dinner. the decor budget's like.... 50 bucks? hahahah... laughing my heads off, do wad decor, think will be hanging a few scap paper and rags ard? as for programme, budget is $0, no gifts. so we're hoping that budget will be increased aft mok go "tei" the teacher.

all in all, i;m quite satisfied with my results this time round CDEO/DDEO/DDEE/CDEE some where along that line. though there's still loads of rm for improvement, aiya.. yah will work harder for the coming semester.

breakthrought point. this i wanna make it my breakthrough point.

So I look to You, so I look to You. No one else will do, no one else will do...

Today's cell was mind blowing, i've never experienced anything like that, or anything close to that, and i want more of that. How should i put it, it was a tangible presence... a connection. and flashbacks, these years... things that happened, how He brought me through. heH... and the naughty rebellious me disappointing Him time and again. and i just felt that i love Him, like nv b4, like.... He's not just my no. 1, but my one and only. touched, yes, very touched, because to think the great and almighty, He cares abt this turdish shiyun here. Love ya, Jesus!

i dun wanna feel afraid that i might lose it, i wanna turn it loose.

i passed my LEP, passed my econs. passed my math. if i had failed math, i wld've wept cos spent so much time on it. but wasn't a good pass. 6 pple passed math namely, zhanting,nyap,me,ade,valerie and the last one i dunnoe is who, think is a)lisan b)rachel c)edwin.

the old has gone.... the new has come....
since sch reopened, i had
new civics tutor
new math tutor
new VP
and latest addition, knew it onli today: new Lep tang poem teacher.
i think the oldies r... better...

went back to ahs today with cherlynn and chatted with mr chan. he's still so adorable and the same old funky maths teacher. didn't noe the sch just introduced the new speaker system, and students werent allowed into staff rm anymore cos according to chan, someone apparently stole a laptop from the staff rm! wad a heinous crime! however, mr chan broke the rule for us and thus, 2 newly "imported green plant" (colour of tj uniform) emerged in staff rm! he's a jolly good fellow~ which no one else can deny!

was ok with grades today, passed my econs! and most prob a D aft moderation. ms wong says it would be to my benefit after it's morderated. and i actually pass physical geog essay~ but failed the DRQ horrifically so in the end, it's a fail. lolx..... but i think wun get F ba.... see hw the human geog turns out. i'm excited abt getting back maths tml.

oh yah. new CT today. on my first day to TJ, during attendence taking, mr quek asked me wad my name is. e new CT who also happen to come from the lim's family, asked the pupil "what's ur number." lolx.... i want MQ! heard the new math teacher is not as good. she just came out from NIE.

rant. and let my anger evaporate...

somtimes i feel like a piece or turd. (turd = shit)
thanks, i'm one of the least of the alumnis. trying to do sth. shit!
frens... they are nice ppl, too scared to reject me straight in my face.
yah, some are genuninely tight on their financials, i understand... but others i spent half hr calling, and felt abit... tricked? if XX go i will go, i call XX, if YY goes i will go.... the list goes on... ZZ go i'll go. argg.... in the end? well YY says ok i go then the rest cant go. argg...

i was recalling what llb used to tell me. yah, then i tot she really over estimate me. and i'm actually some worthless turd. ha. i've no passion in drama. no. and i ain't some angel or goodie she tot/nv tot i was. when i look at guangfeng, when i look at jodi, when i look at wenjie, i just feel more and more like a TURD. i wasn't even trying to be a nice smelling turd.

rant on
piece of turd.

somtimes it just hurt a lot, when frens try to... find excuses not to turn up for something. arggs... i think i'm this sort of person which i'm disgusted with. dots... come to think of it... my best fren she didn't some and support me when i acted in sec 3, she didn't come to support lu yuan either, though i'm not acting and she's in tj. haiz.... hope she can go with me to cds performance. hope. HoPe. HOPE. however i'm just really relieved and glad to have frens like... yan who came for any events, even if it was really to support llb. ;)
dun get disheartened, it's onli the beginning.

i realised i've so many stuff i kind of badly wanted for very very long, but i always have to hold back my purchases because i always dun have the $! anyone who goes out with me usually won't spend more than 20 bucks and i normally won't spend more than 10 bucks, whoever i go out with.

things i wished i had :
a thermo flash so that i can make coffee in sch and have a few sips b4 every lecture to keep me awake.

a tape recorder to record econs and geog lectures because i always fall asleep.

the beautiful pair of earrings at "six". it's the onli pair that caught my eyes ever since i came to noe the term 'earrings' existed. but it goes with long hair and looks too elegant on me. plus i have no earholes.

a digital camera, so that i can take loads of beautiful pictures when i go on the china/taiwan immersion trip at year end.

jeffs cheung's album, the one with all my favourite songs inside!!

things i wished i dun have to buy but bought(with my own money)
redspot maths TYS which cost 16 bucks

101 econs essays. cost 10 bucks.

GP model essays 11 bucks.

pay nyap JTS debts 16 bucks

haiz... and loads of things awaiting me to pay... SCREAM!
4 belated bdae presents, farewell gifts, handover gifts, tixs, i am super duper broke and it just makes me feel that eating in school/ oustside/ hawker centre is a sin.
my wallet is wailing!

JCT IS OVER!! i'm so very happie that i've managed to endure such torturous period. i shall therby post and extremely long entry to pour all the "bitter water" that has been choking me this whole time.

today is geog paper. i tot i'd be the onli 1 flunking cos i totally didn't feel like studying it AT ALL since i've been like... slping thru 3/4 of geog lectures and the notes are like so disorganised and all the diagrams that's supposed to be there ain't there and seems like some alien's creation to me. i realised a trend in this year's JCT: 2 papers caught me by suprise because what the teacher has set is mainly what they've tested, contrary to the popular belief that what's tested wun be tested again.

Back to geog. yes, and when i reach sch, i realised that many people hadn't studied much either.lolx.... on the taxi with Nongbao, man... we were stark contract, he was busily cramping all the bits and pieces of information and i was just sitting there, nonchalent. but one thing i have to comment, he's really a very determined person, staying up overnight for every single paper even though he has already revised most of them in the hols.

To think that i was secretly hoping that i'd fall sick and miss the paper scos i like.... started studying at 5 am in the morning? so this morning since i woke up, i measured my temp at every interval of 20 mins but my body failed me. it has been stronger than i've thought, and the highest temperature recorded is onli 37.4!! so disappointing. so in the end, peimin called to say she's not coming cos he nose is bleeding, and i was so envious of her. haha... okok... still the moment of truth came. i tot i wun noe how to ans and hand in blank script and ms jeba$ would like... tear my paper(cos nyap says she does tear papers). but it turn out ok for me to get F. lolx... and i'm like one of the few who rebelliously choose agriculture and whew~ cos the population qn was like... out of expectation of anyone cos it's not really considered a core topic.

i'm just so relieved that everything's over! but this really signal to me that i've to buck up and study hard cos promos onli 3 months away!!(tear my hair in frustration) and like nomal work, cca and pw will start flooding in... sounds dumb but i just have this sudden urge to practise math.lolx...

Cross my fingers and hope that i wun splash tears or puke blood on my papers when i get them back.

i'm MAD!