Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Talking cannot be any stranger

Talking requires an audience. We talk everyday in different ways to different people. Hence the saying 見人說人話見鬼說鬼話。We talk differently to students compared to colleagues, to friends or to parents, or even when talking to our pets, there's a change of tone. 

It's a curious process. How one phrases the question will decide the other's respond or willingness to share. Human are instinctively defensive. If we sense a judgement in the sentence it simply shuts one off from sharing.

If a sentence itself is open enough to show genuine interest in the other party's thoughts we're inviting him or her to reveal more. 

And how easy it is to fall into the trap that talking is about sharing one's thoughts and opinions. Sometimes it's really about listening and validating the other party. 

But of course, the best form of talking is where both parties sort out a common understanding. It would spur the growth of wisdom, when both parties are challenged intellectually and emotionally. Dialogue, they call it.

Talking cannot be any stranger.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

娓娓道来的《摆渡》

还是从买票开始。第一次看到宣传单,就在想,照片怎么有点像林怀民的《稻禾》?


《摆渡》剧照

《稻禾》剧照

在看戏的过程中,其实一些形体也让我联想到《稻禾》。 我喜欢这样的写意,有些娓娓道来的意境美。

这是一部讲述华文剧场发展的故事,戏中戏,演员在面试,而面试的过程用上了50年间几个剧本情节,而这些剧本又与演员各自的人生相呼应。

整体感观看上去,就是一个“感觉”。我喜欢这样的形容。华人讲究一种和谐,娓娓道来,像是摆渡。而编剧的选材就像是组合了一道吃起来层次分明的鲜美菜肴。一碟蒸鱼,其实很讲究材料和调味,呈现历史的方式如果野心太大,把所有的调味和食材都倒进入,反而坏了这盘菜。

而且,导演呈现《摆渡》的方式又和《稻禾》中的返璞归真遥相呼应。

“就是在‘无’的情况下,我们才有多元的可能。” 这不也是林怀民和台湾文化人面对的历史进程吗?从无到有,一种默默含蓄却带有无穷韧性的坚持。

除了《稻禾》,观众也很难不拿《摆渡》与 《Rant & Rave》相比。题材的处理方式相近,风格却截然不同。如果《Rant & Rave》就是带有激情的、高速的思维冲击;《摆渡》就是缓缓欣赏风景的体悟。写实与写意的区别。皆美,皆好。


Rant & Rave.

只是我不太喜欢结尾的问号... 

“华文剧场还有明天吗?”

我觉得剧场的条件相对以前(像一位观众提到的)确实好很多,无论是场地、宣传管道、公众还是薪酬。或者当一切都是'零'的时候,这样的问题不存在。只有‘零’ 、‘混乱’ 、不那么优异的条件下,一切都是可能的。 什么都有了,才要烦恼,接下来的路怎么走?

Saturday, June 27, 2015

工作的旋律


提早开工啦!

心慌是一贯的。不过来多几轮差不多就习惯了。想像自己在水上乐园,就站在高处,很好怕,这种害怕的感觉来源于等待。屏着呼吸,踏上浮圈,往下一推,你连害怕的时间都没有。管你心里准备好了没,反正就尽情呐喊吧!也许过程中还会闪过这个念头:好像也没有我想象的那么可怕。或者甚至某个阶段还会乐在其中!


提早开工和学生制作版面。如果多一点坚持也许胜算比较高,不过也没差,过程还是挺好玩的。

文字工作者每天输出的字量如此庞大,真不容易。

继续屏着呼吸,迎接挑战。再来一轮爆速溜下滑梯,记得,要呐喊,还要乐在其中!

送上日光:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_PiK8qVzx4

Friday, June 26, 2015

2000 Decisions

A teacher makes an average of 2000 decisions a day. How daunting! From what clothes to wear, what to say, whether to allow the student toilet break to laying out consequences for tardiness.
Not to mention all the excess admin which follows after lesson and getting ready for the next day. It's no wonder fatigue sets in easily at the end of a working day, and the couch potato mode renders one incapable of staying attentive off work. And so, the engines warmed up, it's time to get started in making decisions again, meaningfully! 加油!

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Resolutions

The second half of the year is beginning soon and I've decided to pen down 10 resolutions for myself. (Not that they are useful in any way since I usually break them within the first few days) but at least it gives the illusion of a right footing and a fresh new start. Here goes:

1) I will sleep well and eat healthy.

2) I will manage my mood everyday.

3) I will be reactive at work and handle tasks promptly, within 3 working days.

4) I will be positive and not entertain negative thoughts such as quiting (a task, a job, a challenge).

5) I will complete what is required of me.

6) I will finish reading a book every fortnight.

7) I will pick up a hobby.

8) I will be open to meeting new people and learning new things.

9) I will exercise at least once every week.

10) I will wake up before 8am everyday, even on weekends.


Sunday, June 21, 2015

Bangkok sights and sounds


Lazy me have finally dragged myself to blog about the last minute Bangkok trip, lest I may forget the experience years later. So let the fingers ramble on! A sneak peak at some of my favorite experiences and random thoughts from the trip!

#1 Skip Platinum Mall and Siam Square if you aren't a shopaholic

Malls after malls, Bangkok is so full of them! The goods are all stacked up and mainly mass produced, one has to sieve through countless goods to find something worthy. Personally didn't like the quality of the mass produced goods, albeit at very cheap prices. The loud music and throngs of people makes one dizzy too... So I say, skip these places! On the other hand, the food court at top floor of Platinum Mall have some very authentic Thai food and that's where we were happiest! The simple pleasures of life...

#2 Super fresh seafood at super good price 

And so Wanting insisted at eating at Som Boon which is the equivalent of
The likes of Jumbo Seafood in Singapore. Love the freshness of what we ordered, everything's good except for the curry crab which I had a high expectation of...





There are 7 outlets in Bangkok and we had these at Siam Square.

#3 The lazy afternoon opposite Wat Arun


This has to be my best moment throughout the whole trip. One whole evening opposite the temple, savoring the sunset in every single way. We've bumped into this cafe by coincidence and had our alfresco dinner basking in the sunset.


And it started to drizzle so we shifted into the comfort of the indoors for a different sight. 


When the drizzle decides to call it a day, we were greeted with the warmth of the dusk...


It was mesmerizing... 


I'd definitely come back to this cafe if I'd ever go to Bangkok again.


The fact that it is tucked in a quiet corner and there's not much of a rowdy crowd made it even more alluring.


Makes a good rest stop after a day at the old district. In the vicinity is the Grand Palace and other famous temples. 




#4 Asiatique at Riverfront

As opposed to mega malls, the Asiatique offered a much enjoyable shopping experience, with stalls selling more unique stuffs, and an array of eateries and pubs.






So ya... You get the drift. And walked away happy with souvenirs for the family, and 2 pairs of comfy leather shoes for work.




Wheeee!

#5 Street walk

It's time tunnel back to the early days. Vibrant colours, love it!



The awesome durian season that I cannot miss! 


Tuck in!!!

# Anantara Riverside Hotel

It was a splurge for the last night's stay but well worth every moment! The attention to detail is amazing that I can easily dedicate a single blog post to rave about it. (Which I am too lazy to do so at the moment) So the focus shall be breakfast!! 






Even honey is so posh!!


# The selfie moments!

Bought a selfish stick and we picked up a new hobby of selfie-ing/wefie-ing. So I shall end by indulging (or nauseating) you with some of our narcissistic moments.





Thursday, June 18, 2015

被太阳吵醒

这恼人的家伙,

七早八早就爬了起来

把天空刷上一层淡红。

看着它的画作,感叹了一番

美,可以很简单


守规律的它

每天都捎来一份體貼,

即便是把人从睡梦中吵醒

也仅是俏皮地提醒着:

“喂,别忘了感受我撒下的温暖!”


Tuesday, June 16, 2015

It doesn't take much



Sometimes we drag on,
a dread that requires detergent so strong 
it leaves a mark
white patches
which tells of procrastination. 

Sometimes we drag on, 
it becomes a tumor 
one carries around, 
growing bigger and bigger by the day
from benign to fatal.

Sometimes we drag on, 
sweeping all anxieties under the carpet
pretending they don't exist
only to find yourself
infested with negativity
opening yet another wound and leaving it unattended. 

Sometimes we drag on, 
only to realize,  
that it doesn't take much 
to sweep the dusts towards another direction
to where they belong. 

It doesn't take much
when you come to terms that
everything were but earthly affairs 
without any cosmic significance 

That it doesn't kill to change the water in the vase,
even when the rose is withered 

It doesn't take all that much to live with white patches
or to enjoy every breath before leaving -- 
how ever much (or little ) time to spare. 

Monday, June 15, 2015

The Remains of the Day




So, the long days has allowed me to not just finish the book, but also immediately following, watched the movie adapted from this book.

Let's talk about the book. I thought it was an interesting read and held my attention to the very last page. The conversations and internal dialogues of Mr Stevens (the protagonist, who is an old English butler) is very English, indeed. The formalities added all the more the his rigid and restrained character. His fervent loyalty to his master, and his unwavering quest in pursuing dignity comes across as respectable, but also regrettable. For in the process, there are much lost possibilities and even grievous moments that can only be felt by the outsider.



I liked the first person narration and how the scenes travel between the present and his memories. His internal dialogues effectively brought across Mr Steven's restrained character and he overpowering emphasis on exercising dignity. I think this part of his is endearing, perhaps because it seems silly, to be executing duties with his high principle. The fact that he was a butler and his areas of concern were the of the mundane, made the conversations with the house servants and his own internal monologue even more amusing. With discussions of world and war affairs looming in the background, the contrast of the mundane day to day cleaning and upholding of dignity seems of little significance. The book is saddening, because in his recollection of memories, it seems he was unaware of Ms Kenton's feelings, or perhaps chose it shut it out. What remains in his flashbacks of interactions with Ms Kenton were but rational observations, lifeless without assessments of his own and Ms Kenton's emotions.



Let me digress a little, Mr Stevens pursuit of dignity brought to mind another character in 鲁迅's 《骆驼祥子》.祥子 also displays the silliness of being fixated on one thing and unwavering in his pursuit. He bore resemblance to Mr Stevens because 祥子is obsessed with his rickshaw and this has become the motif in the plot. While Mr Stevens is obsessed with his craft and sought to achieve high moral, 祥子is obsessed with material and sought to improve his living. And it leaves me to feel for them. 傻. This word best describe them, in my opinion. And of course such obsessions have to end with some regretful feelings that perhaps plague the audience more than the character himself. Hence it could only mean the character will continue the pursuit of his quests, for he has already given up much and that was the only thing to anchor his living. 呜呼哀哉!

Back from digression... (Goodness...)



Another scene that left an impact was Mr Steven's father's death. His father (Also a butler) died while Mr Stevens was on duty hosting international delegates at Darlington's hall. In the midst of his father's last moments, he was to execute his duties with pride. Getting warm water for a guest's sore feet, ensuring the proper running of the dinner, taking in jokes from Mr Cardinal etc. At the end of the day he did not even see the last moments of his father's death, and yet, to him that marks the most triumphant day of his life, for he preserved dignity. The chapter was rhythmic with many interruptions for Mr Stevens, amidst eavesdropping on his guests, numerous guests requests, Mr Kenton updating his from time to time on his father's conditions. This sort of grandeur and laughter from all around accentuated the grief of Mr Steven's impending passing. The real punch to the heart was, when Mr Stevens marks the day as the most triumphant day of his life. 以喜写悲倍增其悲!

The final scene in discussion would be when Lord Darlington invited Mr Stevens into the studies only to be ridiculed by his guests to prove a point.
The gentleman in question went on gazing at me for a moment without changing the somewhat languid posture he had adopted in his armchair. Then he said:
‘My good man, I have a question for you. We need your help on a certain matter we’ve been debating. Tell me, do you suppose the debt situation regarding America is a significant factor in the present low levels of trade? Or do you suppose this is a red herring and that the abandonment of the gold standard is at the root of the matter?’ 
I was naturally a little surprised by this, but then quickly saw the situation for what it was; that is to say, it was clearly expected that I be baffled by the question. Indeed, in the moment or so that it took for me to perceive this and compose a suitable response, I may even have given the outward impression of struggling with the question, for I saw the gentlemen in the room exchange mirthful smiles. 
‘I’m very sorry, sir,’ I said, ‘but I am unable to be of assistance on this matter.’
I was by this point well on top of the situation, but the gentlemen went on laughing covertly. Then Mr Spencer said: 
‘Then perhaps you will help us on another matter. Would you say that the currency problem in Europe would be made better or worse if there were to be an arms agreement between the French and the Bolsheviks?’ 
‘I’m very sorry, sir, but I am unable to be of assistance on this matter.’ 
‘Oh dear,’ said Mr Spencer. ‘So you can’t help us here either.’ 
There was more suppressed laughter before his lordship said: ‘Very well, Stevens. That will be all.’ 
‘Please, Darlington, I have one more question to put to our good man here,’ Mr Spencer said. ‘I very much wanted his help on the question presently vexing many of us, and which we all realize is crucial to how we should shape our foreign policy. My good fellow, please come to our assistance. What was M. Laval really intending, by his recent speech on the situation in North Africa? Are you also of the view that it was simply a ruse to scupper the nationalist fringe of his own domestic party?’ 
‘I’m sorry, sir, but I am unable to assist in this matter.’ 
‘You see, gentlemen,’ Mr Spencer said, turning to the others, ‘our man is unable to assist us in these matters.’ 
This brought fresh laughter, now barely suppressed. 
‘And yet,’ Mr Spencer went on, ‘we still persist with the notion that this nation’s decisions be left in the hands of our good man here and to the few million others like him. Is it any wonder, saddled as we are with our present parliamentary system, that we are unable to find any solution to our many difficulties? Why, you may as well ask a committee of the mothers’ union to organize a war campaign.’
There was open, hearty laughter at this remark, during which his lordship muttered: ‘Thank you, Stevens,’ thus enabling me to take my leave.     
This is perhaps where most dignity is lost yet Mr Stevens is ignorant to his being ridiculed.

It just dawn on me that, Mr Steven's pursuit of dignity has been misguided. He works on all the technicalities of his craft and focuses on his butler-ship. This anchored him, yet end day, he lost all essence of dignity. He married his craft.


That was why it was regretful when he finally realized his lost possibilities of relationship with Ms Kenton:
“I do not think I responded immediately, for it took me a moment or two to fully digest these words of Miss Kenton. Moreover, as you might appreciate, their implications were such as to provoke a certain degree of sorrow within me. Indeed- why should I not admit it? - at that moment, my heart was breaking.

Perhaps the happier tone to the sad ending is his realization at the end that:
“Perhaps it is indeed time I began to look at this whole matter of bantering more enthusiastically. After all, when one thinks about it, it is not such a foolish thing to indulge in - particularly if it is the case that in bantering lies the key to human warmth.” 

I decided I liked the book more than the movie, for the monologues and flashbacks of Mr Stevens created a butler persona that is so endearing. The essence of some of his 内心活动 is lost on screen. Well, if you have reached this sentence, either you are a fan of this book, or you're dignified enough to pull through what you begun.

Cheers, to the remains of the day.  

Thursday, June 11, 2015

村上春树的三个侧面

 一直以来都不是村上春树的书迷,但家里堆积了不少村上春树作品的中文和英文译版。 直到近期,又开始阅读他的作品。选择书本有时是有意识,有时是无意识的,而恰巧就看了三本风格迥异的作品。也不敢狂言说自己能够分析作者的三个侧面,其实仅仅是读后感罢了。

#1 海边的卡夫卡

Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore


这本书名断断续续地在生活的不同阶段出现过。记得好多年前,第一次从李天的介绍得知这名作者,这本书也在她的介绍中提及。然后朋友开始阅读,接着在广峰的家里更看到了中文译版。而恰巧在图书馆里找书的时候,就摆着这本,所以索性借来读了。

或许就是两个人的奇异旅程,没有什么目的性的。我确实读不懂。与猫对话、爱上鬼、怪异的人物的谋杀事件、和所谓的姐姐还有母亲发生乱伦关系。这是一个什么样怪异的旅程?反正到了最后,我看不懂。

不过这堆情节却让人联想到一些中国古典文体、文本。汉赋中经常出现“旅程” 这样的主题(?)主角云游一番,经历诸多事情后,最终回到原点,似乎什么事都没发生过,但实质上这些经历已经将他变成了截然不同的人。

海边的卡夫卡也让我联想到山海经,不断的出游,对旅程这个母题的强调。一种实在的旅程转化成了心灵旅程。(所以嘛,旅游就是一个Self discovery Journey) 

然后是唐传奇中的诸多"巧合" ,梦境一般的真实。似梦非梦。在阅读的过程中,我频频联想到苏瑞龙老师的《汉赋》课还有潇驰老师的《中国小说史》。因为这两个老师在讨论这些古典文学的时候,就好像情节都是真实的历史一般,不带质疑的眼光一样。而中国文学的史学也确实重叠,分不清多大成分是真实,多大成分是虚构。哦,其实大部分是虚构的真实。哈,又是运用假象让人看到真相!

海边的卡夫卡就是给人一种参杂了寓言、梦境、灵和魂、欲望与摆脱欲望的奇幻氛围。
我人生历练尚浅,读不懂。

#2 South of the border, West of the Sun

撇开了他奇幻的风格,这本书较为写实,但依然不改梦境般的氛围。故事讲述主角与三个女人的际遇,一个是小学时期的女同学,一个是热情如火的高中女同学,另一个则是自己的妻子。当然,还有情节中一贯必须消失与重现的契机。情欲间中渐渐被时间沉淀的体悟。其实妻子的部分是作者用以最少文字描写的,但我却觉得是最突出的。主角朝思暮想,重笔描写的缅怀、追忆、放不下,恰恰更突出妻子的坦然,宽容和被遗忘的伤痛。

因为主角总把读者的注意力聚焦在自己的身上,当妻子将视角拉会每日的平淡朴实时,便令人感受到,其实平淡朴实是珍贵的。

To be breathing is a gift in itself.

I may be a little dismissive, or get his ideas all wrong. Somehow, the protagonists in his novels gives me the feel of self-obsessive narcissists. Pretty much child-like, self-centered and sought a journey of self discovery (at times) at the expense of others.

#3 Underground: The Tokyo gas attack and the Japanese Psyche

与前两本不同,这是Non-fiction. 拼凑了95年毒气释放事件目击者的观点与感受。相当震撼,亲历者受影响的程度各不相同。焦点并非追究责任,而是从各个视角去透视亲历者的经历。后半部则是不同Aum成员的访问。而被媒体妖魔化的“邪教”顿时呈现了另一个侧面。大部分会员加入的动机十分单纯,一些没法融入社会、一些寻找的清空的生活。事件之后更让他们的生活无法回复原来的平静。

Some interviews are rather unsettling. Others help put the Sarin gas attack into perspective, and rationalize the attack, in that Aum is not one homogeneous entity.

"Maybe they think about things too seriously. Perhaps there's some pain they are carrying around inside. They are not good at making their feelings know to others and are somewhat troubled. They can't find a suitable means to express themselves, and bounce back and forth between feelings of pride and inadequacy. *骄傲的自卑在作祟* That might well be me. It might be you."

No, not yet a Murakumi fan, not somewhere near either. However I think his books does have its allure which deserves credit. And his English translators does more justice to his works, in my opinion.   

Tuesday, June 09, 2015

工作让人变笨了

前阵子朋友向我索取初院时期的LEP 资料,于是将这些尘封已久的笔记和资料挖了出来。

翻了看看,当初的我竟然字迹整齐,勤勤恳恳地做笔记。

大学更是思维活跃的时期,翻看当初写的论文和课堂笔记,觉得当下的自己应该写不出这样的内容。

为什么?因为生活中难以再有思维的撞击。我觉得工作让人变得庸俗不堪,需要有意识地在工作以外给脑子做运动。

对啦,所以才需要一群朋友,讨论课题。所以才需要阅读,让自己的脑子更加活跃。

不过怎么样都不如当初求学那样,泡在食堂、图书馆、咖啡厅里和朋友热烈讨论,为着写一篇好论文搜集资料、从不同科系的朋友身上找寻灵感。Those were the days!

无奈。变笨了。


Monday, June 08, 2015

你的现实不是我的现实



笛卡尔说:现实是自己构造的真实

我说:真实只有两种

你的现实,我的现实。


两者平行发展

你的现实够不着,我的现实。

现实之间同步绽放着各自的精彩。

阅读、看戏、运动、打趣。

没有对比的现实,是绝对的真实。

没人会用寂寞去衡量孤独。


两者交错发展

你的现实, 侵占我的现实。

交错之间擦出短暂而永恒的火花,

(如果一粒沙都承载着宇宙的永恒。)

(啧!谁和你擦出火花!)

阅读、看戏、运动、打趣。

交替的现实,是相对的真实。

我的现实,不是你的现实。

你的现实,却成为我不愿面对的真实。

寂寞已然成了孤独的代名词。



两者擦肩而过

我的现实,挥别你的现实。

因为每个人都有能力去重新构造真实。

被扔进垃圾桶的你的现实

(啧!你只是宇宙中的尘埃)

(如果还相信一粒沙也承载着宇宙的永恒。)

阅读、看戏、运动、打趣。

接受你的真实,把它融入我的现实。

寂寞只会留下空洞待清静吞噬。


笛卡尔说:现实是自己构造的真实

我说:真实不只有两种

你的现实,我的现实,



下一个真实。

Tuesday, June 02, 2015

多傻就有多勇敢

两天前,友人传来一则简讯,说刚从香港回来,邀约出来见面,给我捎来了一个“在朋友圈子里只有我会欣赏的东西。” 实在吊人胃口。

今日赴约,天南地北谈了一遍,闲话家常数小时,似乎彼此生活的点滴和进展都要仔细地交代一番。

她送了我一本诗集,她的父亲还特地复印了亚洲周刊的报道给我,令我十分感动。

与我一番分享后,更是对这个诗人刮目相看。

翻开读了一读,第一感觉, 这诗人,刚烈。 而后来得知她的背景,更觉得,她的灵魂被困在一个不符合自己的身体里,像是一个盛满欲望的心灵被压缩在气球里,随时爆破。

很喜欢个性如此突出的诗,似乎是很多绝望堆砌起来的、虚幻的希望。

根本没有希望。

但是,有多傻就有多勇敢。

傻 、天真, 这两个多么带劲的词。

穿过大半个中国去睡你
其实,睡你和被你睡是差不多的,无非是
两具肉体碰撞的力,无非是这力催开的花朵
无非是这花朵虚拟出的春天让我们误以为生命被重新打开

大半个中国,什么都在发生:火山在喷,河流在枯
一些不被关心的政治犯和流民
一路在枪口的麋鹿和丹顶鹤

我是穿过枪林弹雨去睡你
我是把无数的黑夜摁进一个黎明去睡你
我是无数个我奔跑成一个我去睡你

当然我也会被一些蝴蝶带入歧途
把一些赞美当成春天
把一个和横店类似的村庄当成故乡
而它们都是我去睡你必不可少的理由[1] 

余秀华 《月光落在左手上》

Monday, June 01, 2015

Highlights

This is the 6th Girl Guides Camp in my teaching life and the highlights of the camp is not the camp itself.

And as I was bathing and reflecting over it, I thought my secondary teachers gave us alot of autonomy in deciding what we want to do, and in today's standards, probably would have failed many segments of RAMS. Those were the days... That said, safety should never be compromised, but being overly uptight on every single thing kills all the opportunities for the students to grow and lead.

Owell... And this little parable shared by Pathlight's principal got me pondering on our focus as educators.

A little boy was playing at the pond. He saw a dead frog and he was overcome by grief. He said to his father, "Can we give him a funeral?" Then he spent a whole day and alot of effort to come up with an elaborate funeral. As he was done, he saw the frog moving its limbs. A while later, it was jumping with life. The little boy was upset and angry. He went over to ask his father, "Dad, don't you think we should kill it?"

The highlight of the camp were, the glitches the girls committed and how they bonded over solving the problems. If we were to focus on how they tarnished the CCA's reputation, how they could have landed the teacher's into trouble, how they had been irresponsible, then how different are we from the little boy?