Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Notes of Discussion

一连串有的没的流水帐,今天用脑整理,不谈心。也不懂从哪里开始,并没有什么强烈得非写下不可的事件,也没什么发人深省的反思,更没有跳跃沉闷、庸俗的生活体悟。就从渐渐断断与朋友的对话开始吧。

谈逻辑
近来在看The Art of Thinking Clearly, 和广峰讨论到 Logic. There is no logic when Christians proclaim "Believe in the existence of God." 因为论逻辑,上帝的存在不在于人们相不相信,他存在的话就是事实/规律 不在乎人们相信与否。正如,旭日东升,无关人们相信与否,太阳的存在是无须证实或相信的。你相信或不相信,它已经是个事实。因此讨论相不相信鬼神的存在是没有意义的。他们的存在只能建立在人们的幻想中。(这堆是广峰的言论)这让我想到报章读后感现象题,学生懵懂混淆的时候,就会去同意或不同意一个现象。但现象就是一个事实,不管你同意与否,他都存在,所以这样的讨论作废。更有意义的是去分析这个现象;分析人们为什么相信鬼神的存在。

谈Social Experiment 

聊到教育和教学,不懂他哪里来的一股劲,一边的我像泄了气的球,另一边的他却是滔滔不绝地说教育是 义务(Duty)学校是social experiment ground ,学生是白老鼠。而且学园就是个让所有人安全犯错,不断试验的温床。有,充了一点气,送走了3批白老鼠,今年的希望比较健壮一些。

谈豁达
其实很讨厌古文,但是以前上课比较喜欢的有两本书的短文,一个是战国策,一个是世说新语。哇,怎么好像不谋而合的暴力。留下深刻印象的是中学古文中的一篇。有关于王子猷彻兴起,彻夜泛舟去找朋友。结果到了别人家门口,尽然不叩门,悄然离去。哇,16岁的我觉得他的脑子烧坏了,不然就是进水,后来才明白原来去找朋友的过程中,已经欣赏了一整夜的风景,满足了他那心血来潮的雅兴,因此心更豁达,见不见朋友已无关痛痒。


题外话:与友人们闲聊,探出自己性格上致命的弱点。




Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Intention VS Outcome

In the perfect world, good intention leads to good outcomes. But in reality it is not always true. If only one could exist, which is more important to you? 

动机单纯但却无法达标,就只能做个烂好人。难以推动计划或鼓舞人心。就比如一个有着单纯动机的老师,可以一心为学生好,却教不出好学生,或者也不会教书。动机再高尚纯洁,也只能徒劳无功。如刘备,以仁义著称,但时局却不如人意,最后还不是没什么好下场,也没能让人民安居乐业。动机单纯但无能者,可能坏了事情,甚至连自己在'好心干坏事'都不知道。

Good outcomes may not come from good intentions. What if, in the bid of furthering one's portfolio and gaining fame, a leader is focused on performance and achievements without empathy toward his subordinates? 如果有些人的动机不单纯,但是成果都是好的; 果断地牺牲了一些人或事,以满足自己的个人利益,这样你能接受吗?你是否愿意为那些美好的成果拍掌,知情装傻,愿意接受那背后不单纯的动机?

Which is more important, if we can only choose one? 动机单纯至少让人感到世界仍旧美好,努力之后没有成果,仅是给人带无奈。成果即便很好,但动机不单纯,会让人对人性绝望。


其实想到这里,如果一个人动机不单纯,但运用正当手段去取得好的成果,那又该当何论?

I suppose good intentions are more important to me, even if it does not neccessarily lead to good outcomes. 问心无愧比较重要。

Friday, May 15, 2015

诈骗

“喂,林先生吗?我是花旗银行打来的。”

“我是。”

“恭喜你中了5000 现金,因为您刷我们银行信用卡购物,所以自动参与幸运抽奖。我们需要您的所得税账户号码申请免税。”

“哇!竟然中奖啦?!账户号码我得先去搜一下,能否等下打来?”

“当然!我迟些打来。”



“喂,林先生吗,我是花旗银行打来的。”

“是的,我记得!哎呀,5000 元!”

“您现在方便吗?”

“真的很抱歉,我在见个客户,现在不方便说话。”

“没关系,我迟些再给您打电话。”

“谢谢!”




“喂林先生,您现在有空了吧?”

“有的,我在警察局的事务只剩一项,就可以收工了。”

“嘟—————”



“你这个骗子…”

Monday, May 11, 2015

距离

距离产生张力。

教汉赋的苏老师说。那时课室里的桌椅摆成了一个四方形,老师以一贯诙谐幽默的方式打了个比方。

“比方说,坐在课室一角的男同学,和另一角的女同学,因为坐得远,所以更可能来电。如果坐在旁边就走了味。”

我们顿时哄堂大笑。

从美学的角度,距离更有张力。

从务实的角度,距离让人更理性地分析事物。或许这就是为什么论文都要搁着一两天后再看,才能看出盲点;越在乎的学生就会越感情用事;历史也要待尘埃落定,才能盖棺定论,说个:On hindsight... It could have...

距离的远近决定一个人的存在感。被看到也未必就有存在感,但存在感的首要前提就是让人感觉能够亲近,常在身边。

哦,如何衡量距离的远近?关键應該于对方能否感到亲切。有些人咫尺天涯让人觉得很近;有些人近在咫尺却若即若离。关键不是实在的距离而是感官的距离。不是脑子计算的距离;而是心底判断的距离。

不易拿捏,还需静心感受。

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

"New here eh? Haven't seen you in this area before."

Silence. This has to be the game women likes to play, let me play along too. Yee thought.

"So you're getting married?" Yee stopped dribbling his basketball and tugged it in his right arm.

His questions were met with another bout of silence. The girl continued ignoring him. She seems self absorb as she scrutinizes the wedding gown through the windows.

"Hey! Where are your manners? Are you deaf?" Seeing that his efforts to frustrate her were in vain, he resorts to throwing his basketball at her. To his surprise, the teenage girl caught it swiftly.

"Look who's without manners?" The girl retorted, throwing the basketball back at him. 

"Oh, so you can talk. A girl alone on the streets, staring at wedding gown at 2am." Yee moved closer and flicked her nose.

"Stop it! I hate people flicking my nose, and especially not a stranger! Idiot!" She backed away, brushing her nose as if she's trying to removed dirt from the stranger's fingers.

"What luck!" She mumbled.

Now this is getting Yee intrigued. 

Yee, a pimply teenage guys, with an oily scalp and curly hair was never considered good looking amongst peers of his age. However, he's always popular with girls, winning their hearts over with his glib tongue and worldly humour. and 

This is a tough nut to crack. He thought to himself.

"Name?"

"Have you ever noticed the intricate details on wedding gowns? The laces, crystals, the hair wail the brings out the charm in a women."

Yee noticed her eyes sparkle  as she examined the details of the gown. 

"Wearing it, walking down the asle with a man, pledging your life to a Prince Charming and striding like a princess."

"I can be your Prince Charming if you'd like."

She turned to face Yee. Scrutinized Yee from head to toes. For a moment, Yee felt intruded, like a criminal waiting to be slaughtered. "You?" She rolled her eyes. "Not in this lifetime!" 

Yee takes her insult as a challenge, and this is girl he has eyed on.

"Watch your words, it might just come true!" 

"That would be beauty marrying a Beast!" She upped her challenge.

Just then, it began drizzling.

Yee put down his basketball and took off his windbreaker, putting it above his head, and pulled her beside him. She, taken aback by his actions, instinctively pushed him apart. "What are you waiting for?It's going to rain!" 

It poured.

Yee pulled her in under his makeshift windbreaker shelter. Reluctantly she accepted his offer. They ran towards the HDB flat before she pushed him away.

Yee attempted to flunk dry his windbreaker, next turning it into a pinic mat.

"Name?"

Silence. She is belligerent, surely an obstinate creature that's hard to chase. But I am always up for challenge. 

"I saved you from -"

"Ellison." 

"Ellison" 

Ellison sat on the mat, without once looking at his direct. 

How irritating, she thought. He must be one who takes advantage of gullible girls.

Ellison looked intently at the gown in the bridal shop. Now reduced to white sparkle across the street. How would a frivolous guy like him understand the concept of marriage. 








Monday, May 04, 2015

Silence in the mayhem

When I woke up, the air was dense.

Odour of rotting bodies filled the air. Carcasses were lying around everywhere. Broken body parts, of animals, stray or pets, of traces which were once full of life. The deafening silence made the screams, wails and shrieks of yesterday seem all the more agonizing. 

Charred buildings, wires, blocks after blocks of toppled buildings, they stacked on top of each other. They look just like the charred meat stacked one on top of after another. And another. So much so that tragedies are reduced to numbers.

Wondering souls were walking aimlessly, looking for their loved ones amongst the living and the dead. 

Is this all but a dream? I spoke to myself. Just yesterday, Ellison and I, we were the couple that made everyone green with envy, the model of the lot.

Just yesterday, Anna was all but too anxious to see the new world, kicking and tugging her mother's bulging tummy.  

"Darling, your time will come, spar mommy the hard time and daddy will dote on you all the more!" These giggles of joy are still vivid at the back of my mind.

 As I scanned the crowd in the mayhem, I tried to focus. Woman, pregnant, yellow dress. Woman, pregnant, yellow dress. Where? 

The overpowering odour makes me nauseous. It refuses to fade away. Lingering, crawling into the senses, almost like a tough stain that sticks onto the skin corroding into it. Woman, pregnant, yellow dress. The search continues.

I clinched onto the only price possession that I managed to keep from the after rummaging through the house. The watch with our picture pasted in it. On the right side, a picture and Ellison and me in our younger days, all radiant and smiling, as if we had the world under our feet and dreams waiting to be built. Together. All the smiles were but miles away. On the left, an empty slot. We promised to save a space for Anna.

It’s weird, a wave of calmness resided in me, as the watch now keeps me company, and sane. At least I have a goal in mind, a person in search for. I have never come to appreciate the meaning of “No news is good news.” Not until now.

It was unusually quiet, so quiet it feels like a dream, an illusion of sort. No one spoke, no one moved, a moment in eternity which belongs entirely to me. Perhaps, I am in heaven? I pinched myself just to make sure. It’s painful, yes. But who dictates that pain is not real, even in a dream?

“Yee”, I could not be mistaken, for only Ellison calls me by this name. I could not believe my ears. “Ellison! You know how hard I had been looking for you!” I scuffled over and gave her, and our little Anna in her, a tight squeeze. Yes, she is for real, never more so. “You scared the daylight out of me, I thought I’d, touch wood. I’d better not say so, for words are sacred, once spoken, makes you believe in it?”

There I gave her arms another squeeze. Warmth filled my heart and we looked at each other as if we made up eternity. Our eyes met and we took our peace in silence. I had always believed in the strength of silence. Sometimes,  it conveyed messages so powerful which no words could fill.

“Let’s dance.” Ellison pushed me gentle away from her. “Let’s dance. Today is our 10th Anniversary, remember?”

“But now? What is worth celebrating, when death is looming everywhere…” I am confused. Ellison is behaving oddly, has she gone insane?

“Let’s dance.” She persisted and I gave in.

She clenched my palms and rested her head on my shoulder. Ellison stood in front of me, Anna in between the both us. A portrait of reunion.

As we danced, She humps to the tune of Sam Smith’s Stay with me.  All of a sudden, the silence is no longer jarring. Her soothing voice calmed me.

“ Ellison, who do you think little Anna will take after?”

“ I want her to have your brains, your humour, they are the reason I fell for my man, don’t you know?” Ellison mused, and planted a kiss on my neck.

“Anna will have your eyes, always brimming with joy, they’re enchanting.” I said.

We danced on. For what seemed like eternity. Eternity. I wished eternity has a limit I could work with. It was a scary time concept one loses sanity in.

What an oxymoron. In the moment of grieve, I experienced tinge of lightness. It just doesn't fit. There is no logic to it. Ellison next to me, Anna next to me, alive. Smiling. The rest of the world in grieve and mourning.

“Stay with me.”
The earth shook. My world shook.

My world was swirling, almost as if I was a puddle of water flushed down into the toilet bowl. And down and down and down and down it went. To no end. Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me…

“The frantic search for survivors goes round the clock, following Wen Chuan biggest earthquake in 80 years. The injured were brought to hospitals in trucks and ambulance. The death toll has risen to 10,000 and the team continues on the search…” 

 I lay awoke. The air was dense.
Something hard and cold was in my palms. The watch. I gathered my strength to pull myself up.

“Ellison?”  

She laid still, lips white, body stiff and charred. Ellison was reduced to yet another   statistic on any news broadcast. An unfair treatment to a tragedy of my life.

Odor of rotting bodies filled the air. I heard the thin shrill of a baby.

A baby, with Ellison’s eyes which overflows with joy.

 (970 words)

__________________________________________________________________________

Far from 2500 words/ day target and already killing me... 

English teachers would probably clench(?) at all the poorly expressed sentences where some doesnt even make sense. The idea is to just write and edit after completion.  

Drafting outline

Prologue - Once Upon A time...


Chapter one  - Two, similar , reflection of self  / The Little Mermaid  - 分离  

Chapter two - (Air Disaster) Cyclone - 重逢

Chapter three - Two, routine tears one apart / Beauty and the Beast- 分离

Chapter four - (Sea Disaster) Shipwreck - 重逢

Chapter five - Two, far apart, opposite attracts / Cinderella  - 分离

Chapter six - (Land Disaster) Earthquake - 重逢


Epilogue - And they live happily ever after...


Overarching Theme: Conceiving...




Sunday, May 03, 2015

来这里干嘛?

51 scripts of 4N emails

51 scripts of 4N Paper 2

26 scripts of 3HCL P2

Over 3 evenings.

Actually after reading through some of 3HCL compo scripts I really come to understand why teachers can simply just read through and not really mark, when there are minimal errors on their compos. However, it leaves me to fear for my graduating class if this is the standard that they are competing with. 5 x 400, 2000 words in 75 mins, an average of about 25 words per min / 100 words in 4 mins. My class cannot even produce  100 words in 20 mins. 

連自己可能都沒法用這樣的速度,連帶夾敘夾議的句子/比喻/論據,清晰地表達觀點。怪不得大学时期,5000字的论文要了我的命,中国同学却能滔滔不绝,挥洒自如。

天呀!监考时望着这批人,真看到了锥子等待着脱颖而出。可惜,怎么人才被派到了我们这等学校呢??他们在这里干什么?!不是应该跟那些精英中的精英去竞争吗?

结果,在这里有时,我只能无奈地见证他们一个个从无限潜能的人才,慢慢磨成和大伙没多大区别的平庸之辈。傲气、菱角是磨平了,但也才气尽失。

父母原本以为送出去就是机会。是机会吗?他在国内,就是与精英的竞争,在这里简直就是与蠢材较量。

呜呼哀哉!