写在2014的最后一天

There she laid on the sofa, slightly exhausted from hype of the new year party earlier. Dishes washed, friends left, thinking how she might conclude her year in the last hour of 2014.

The year had been good, and bad, at the same time. She struggled through down times, depressed from work at its highest points. She left a relationship enlightened that it takes heart to nurture, a lesson learnt a tad too late. She rekindled her love for reading where she drew much strength and tranquility from. It was good, and bad, all at the same time. There she waved the year goodbye, for all the memories forged, and a part of the heart that grows to be filled with love and goodness every second.

光

光有很多种。灿烂的太阳是光，绚丽刺眼的霓虹灯是光，街道两旁的路灯也是光。

去年和老妹与朋友到东马浮潜，夜里睡在木屋时，外头还有许多游客在狂欢。抬头仰望尽是无限星光，从来都没有看过布满了星星的夜空，我们都乐傻了。于是决定到更宽敞的夔龙前去仰望星空。没有想到原来的星星全都消失了。就那么一瞬间的事。

回到房里星星又出现了。

原来，是灯光惹的祸。星光是那么微弱，被野蛮的灯光给遮掩了。

有些光之所以美，我想，正因为出现在意想不到的瞬间。从别人没有注意过的角度去欣赏，才保留最原始的模样。

那天晚上,我们几个人静静地，傻傻地站在最不起眼的角落仰望天空，外头的嬉闹声似乎很远很远。

游泳

我并不是一个特别喜欢运动的人，游泳更不是我一开始的爱好。今年却成了我洗净烦恼的活动。开始时，就连半个lap都游不了，老是使劲，气喘不过来。重来、重来再重来，慢慢地学会抓节奏，慢慢地学会使劲是不能游得远。好像也从中找到了节奏，呼吸之间，在水面一上一下。

今天一个人去游泳了。在水里，仿佛时间变慢，身体的速度也变慢。一上一下，最基本的是好好呼吸。好好呼吸，不断地对自己重复着。最基本的，节奏对了，才能走得远。基本的工作做对了才能游得远。

Take care of breathing, and everything else will take care of itself. 

慌

状态不是很好，开学的脚步声急促逼近，心很慌。这种莫名的心慌突然涌进来，让我有点不知所措。可恶的是，精神上的慌，更让身体状态开始不佳，消化系统被影响。很久没有这种心慌的感觉了。以前开学也不会那么慌。

为什么慌？因为经过了两年，我还是很不习惯。我觉得很不稳定，工作上常常有许多变数让我招架不住。有时，精神快要决堤。不断地调整心态。这份工作太消耗情绪，节奏就像是田径比赛。突然跑完100米，然后休息，然后又冲100米。我更喜欢的状态是，让我稳稳跑个马拉松。如果能慢跑，去欣赏一下周围的风景那就更好了。

昨天从马来西亚回来，我就在想，我还能撑多久呢？这样无尽地消耗能量？我是否还要拼下去呢？ 讽刺的是，我把办工座位收拾得那么干净，买了很多很多布置品，其实是想鼓励自己不要放弃。至少想要走人之前还会想说，那么多的Barang 要搬，那岂不是很麻烦吗？这是挽留自己的方法，特别是明年下半年期满之后。

奇怪的是，正当我脑子里浮现这个想法时，我的阿姨就问了：“明年不辞职呀？还是换个工作环境？” 我真被吓傻了。难道这是个征兆吗？突然觉得很累，心不平静。以前就是一股傻劲，就做吧。后来好像在与心打架。只能安慰自己，这就是一个阶段，过了，明天会更好。

什么都没有时，努力赚钱的压力是种动力，根本没有时间去想辞职还是做下去。

不缺什么时，反而开始审视自己到底开不开心。

给自己一点精神喊话：生命依然美好，林诗韵加把劲！Grit GRit GRIt GRIT!

My Sacred Place

最近舟车劳顿，赶去马国又到台湾，然后又回马国。整个体验说实在，有点累。脾胃也快支持不住了。

今天在电视上听闻飞机失踪的新闻，原先想写的题材在这样的背景下似乎显得微不足道。后来仔细想想，又觉得正是这种灾难的发生，不断地警戒人们活着，活的是今天的一口气。那所有关于自己、关于体悟的事情又岂会微不足道的呢？

今天想讲讲Sacred Space.

每个地方都可以是个Sacred Space。 如果房间就是休息养神、阅读的地方，房间就是养神的Sacred Space。 如果写作时、改簿子时一定要窝在某个角落，那个角落就是个Sacred Space。 这样的空间是不应该被亵渎的。（我接下来说的可能有点神经质不过... ) 因为我觉得空间都有能量，如果在房间里吃饭、打游戏，这些让精神紧张的活动就会让人难以安下心来，影响了房间里的能量，我觉得。

这也是为什么我那么执着于把办公室空间打理好，让阳光通进来。让我每次回到那个空间的时候，都如同回到自己的小窝，把自己带入的负能量排出。我不应该折磨自己的精神。同样的，看过我的办公座位的人，就知道在橱柜上摆着“乐”字，提醒自己要保持正面，不让任何人、任何事（甚至自己）压着我的乐。象征作用，语文老师就吃这一套。

而生活中应该是时时刻刻都可以营造这样的Sacred Space。 一个让人感觉身心舒畅的空间。这些只需要一点点Mindfulness。 我们什么时候开始忘了悠闲其实不那么复杂。

这次回外婆家，我就把椅子搬上了阳台，然后播了姨丈手机里的音乐，捧着一个枕头和一本书。外边刚下完雨，前边鸟儿成群飞过，呼吸着叶子的清新。那就是大自然的味道，我的Sacred place。 而且Sacred place 是会释放出正能量的。原本只是用来晾衣的阳台，地板还堆积一层薄薄的灰尘。但不一会儿，阿姨和姨丈也来沉浸在这个Sacred space 当中。真好。

写着写着，我差点都以为描述的Sacred Space 像是童话故事里的小木屋了！

Think of our routines not so much as habits, but as rituals. Spaces as places with symbolism. Aren't we then, closer to our soul than to merely the body? 

要。不要？

我家老人沟通的方式我有时候实在受不了。我只能用自己的理解去解读，其中也许承载着我对他们的评价，但不代表我所描述的就是他们最真实的一面。

昨天晚上要吃晚餐，是外公说肚子饿了。大家于是要开车去吃晚餐。可是车子只能坐6人，而家中有7人。于是阿姨决定载两轮，但外公坚持不要去。折腾了15分钟，最后只好打包给家里最饿的他。其实煮炒档只是少过5分钟的车程，那15分钟用尽力气的拒绝远远超过把他载出门的所谓麻烦。

我不明白为什么人们觉得自己受委屈是成全别人的方式。因为很多时候是赔了夫人又折兵。如果外公跟着我们一起去吃，不但能够吃到热腾腾的食物，也能够享受与大家共处的时光。谁又会觉得跑第二趟是种麻烦？

其实这些都是沟通惹的祸。他明白的快乐和我明白的快乐不同，最后搞到大家都不是很快乐。不让子女麻烦是他快乐的方式。和大家共处是我快乐的方式，我们快乐的频率碰不着，所以大家都不快乐。

另一个让我抓狂的就是长辈们总喜欢拐弯抹角。每次妈妈问我要不要xxx 当我说不要，我真的打从心底就不要。而长辈们如果说不要，其实心里很想要但又碍于面子不说出心意。结果就衍生出十分畸形的现象。当你说不要，长辈们会再问你10次，连哄带骗死逼迫你说“要”（这个次数一点也不是我夸出来的！）然后硬是往你怀里/嘴里塞。然我真的不要而且要了也没用！对于这种行为，我只能说是自身被压抑的欲望在作祟。因为很多时候自己想要不敢说，希望别人会明白他们的心意，往他们的怀里塞。 于是也就自然觉得别人其实想要而不敢说，往别人怀里说最好的方式。不知道这是我长辈的怪癖好，还是逆来顺受，被压抑的华人的怪癖好。好折腾，于是乎，作为华人子女，察言观色应该是我们最在行的？

这也渐渐让我觉得怎么我这家人总是压抑欲望，不明白欲望是人性最基本的特质。对自己好点就等于对周围的人好点。欲望也能是一种正能量，不是吗？

沟通这回事。即使一切源于爱，爱人真的好折腾！

The Curious Man

"Spontaneity is the ally of good works."

I can't claim it as mine, for Paulo Coelho taught me a lot in his stories. 

Few days ago I grudgingly promised my aunt to follow them back to Lukut (yes, Malaysia. Again) to visit my grandma. There goes my plans to start preparing myself to settle in for work. But spontaneity always have some surprises in store for anyone, even a grudging soul, I suppose. It's a good time to catch up on my reading, since there is really nothing to do in this lazy town. The relatives and cousins are still occupied with work.

It's feels good to be in touch with words, the drizzle which never stop, the cool wind caressing my skin, long lazy afternoons of reading.

And today we caught up with one of my uncle's friend, visited his apartment which is under renovation. A quirky man in his 60s, divorcee with a partner in Thailand and his family in Australia. Ex-Malaysian, now Australian. Talked about his hobbies and chatted abit longer in a mamak shop. 

I'm curious how his house will turn out to be like in time to come. He's a curious retiree. In the midst of the mess in his house, I think he has good eyes for furnitures and displays. 

This quaint lamp caught my attention. Pretty exotic, the bulky base and lovely details makes it unique. I'd love to have something like this to add character to my house. 

He bought these from the flea market some days ago, dirt cheap (and dirty too) and he polished them himself, no price for guessing which pot underwent his makeover. Well, he claimed to use it for Chinese tea. Which my aunt and I thought it suited Arab tea better.

Two interesting paintings of boats which caught my attention as I nestled on his sofa to enjoy the cozy afternoon breeze.

Apparently his furnitures had good travel stories to tell, some made in Denmark, some donated by his friends (and some were chairs from a conference room!), others made from tweak from England. Gosh, these furnitures, how well travelled indeed! 

This furniture improvised as a coffee table at the balcony. Love how vintage it looked!

Well, he asked if we'd like a cuppa. The coffee machine looked rather complex, I wonder if it would have to take a barista to operate it.

One of his hobbies, and that indeed made the corner come to life.

A look upwards and there you see a rustic fan, well contrasted with the white roof.

I like the marble flooring, don't get to see much of these anymore.

Perhaps you would have the same question as me, "what's mr bean's bear doing here in an old man's place?" And then the chuckle in my heart was greeted with a marvel, this man is rather young at heart! 

The house really is in a mess waiting to be renovated and arranged. The little finds however, tells me that Albert is indeed a man who has quite some stories to tell. 

Sometimes, we just need to open our eyes to beauty in everyday living. 

Looks like a holiday well spent and my grudge slowly dissipated with all the curious finds. :)

Random Musings

As Emile and I were strolling the streets of Taipei, this I consciously repeat to myself. "I shall not be walking alone, in front." Yet despite the incessant reminders, it took me great effort to follow,  many a times caught in my own pre-occupation with pace. Or perhaps a preoccupation with myself.

"You are too careless." A voice caught me off guard, only to realize it was the same one from a year ago. 

The many times when I was walking my way home, the rumblings in my head goes on and on, like a broken radio. My pace quickened, preoccupied with thoughts and not exactly knowing where I am headed. As I turned to my side, I realized she haven't caught up.

"You're doing this again, this is not the first time." She said with a tinge of irritation.

"Can't you just catch up?" 

"That's not the point, you're too careless." 

"I am preoccupied with my thoughts."

"But you are with someone, you can't do that all the time."

Sometimes I prefer my solitude, my preoccupation. 

Only as time passed on would I realize, I was too careless. Walking along myself.

Just Write!

It all started with a silly routine I wanted to bound myself to, to write continuously everyday for 30 days. I thought this could build some discipline in me and offer me something to occupy myself with daily. Now spanning almost 20 entries, stopping twice since I embarked on this project. Those times which i stopped, it wasn't because there was nothing to write about. In fact they were times i was so drained with all the excitement in me I was too tired to pen anything down. And perhaps the speed of recording those thoughts with an iPhone could not contain the exploding excitement in me. Yes, trembling as I pen them down, so overflowing that it was too tiring to be recording.

I have to say, I deal with my inner demons everyday. Am I giving the right impression when I broached sensitive subjects? Will people judge me? What if I revealed my insecurities? What if it is a load of rubbish? They haunt me constantly. Regardless, I write.

Sometimes I even ask myself why I post them out for others to read? The faceless others. Perhaps it was to carass my vanity, yearning for a head nod, craving that someone who share similar experiences would start to offer words of affirmation. Sometimes hoping to create a dialogue on issues I care about. Other times to increase the visibility of my words, to motivate myself in completing this project I've started. Regardless, I write.

It can be a lonely journey, dealing with my inner being and the many faceless others. What absurdity greater than craving my words speak to another soul and at the same time pondering, does it serve myself? Or does it serve others? Regardless, I write. 

Let the motive take care of itself, and the heart be filled. 

Just write.

A Time For Everything

Eleven Minutes. Another beautifully written book. Already I'm starting to fall in love with this author. 

In Veronika decides to die, he helped reader understand sanity  by exploring madness. And he talks about death, but really to help us see what living meant. 

In eleven minutes he discussed sacred sex by revealing why people see it as a profanity. A sensitive subject so delicately dealt with. 

Sex is not about conquering the body, it is about redeeming the soul. 

In it all, the book touches my soul with this poem, which in many stages of my life it popped up in one form or another, each time rendering it with new interpretation.

"A time for everything"

It's a passage from the bible which I remembered bumping across when I was still a student, understanding nothing of it, they were merely words stringed together in some coherent fashion, but it hasn't spoken to the soul. 

And then it started to leave its traces when I was in NIE, understanding that sometimes we plunge ourselves into an endeavour, one seeks not the length it lasts. But the goodness that comes along. Such thought calmed me a lot. Because I started to understand in many things we do, our yearning to possess, would ultimately leave us afraid of losing it. And, we lost the essence it happened in the first place. A time for everything. 不眷恋，也不强求。Just quietly appreciate its beauty. (Oh and it was Soda's Green 你在烦恼什么）that inspired my self searching journey.

And this time, the poem appeared in Eleven minutes. It hit hard on my soul. Everything exists in relativity. If one does not understand winter, one does not see the beauty of spring. If one does not understand darkness one does not see the hope that light brings. The list just goes on and on... And when we see that everything that will be will be, there we experience inner peace. Or so I feel. 

In any case, I am more and more convicted that a good piece of work deals with two enduring themes: love and goodness. And if anything has to turn ugly, it shouldn't just end there.For "presenting evils is to dispel evil." This I agreed with Stan Lai. Dispelling evils is the core.

A good read from an author which transcends profanity to present love and goodness. 

"Ah, when to the heart of man 

Was it ever less than a treason 

To go with the drift of things, 

To yield with a grace to reason 

And bow and accept the end 

Of a love or a season." 

- Reluctance, Robert Frost

不可取代的小事

终于回归熟悉的键盘，能够利落地打字，文字跳动的频率也可以更好地捕捉脑子里闪过的念头。回归熟悉，真好。一个星期的悸动终于可以在打下的字句中慢慢沉淀。在台湾一周所带来的激荡让人觉得好像回到了大学。就像宋庆龄曾经说过的，孙中山能让她感觉回到大学，更奇妙的是，不用考试。这种不用考试的探索，我觉得直接与心灵开启了对话，久久地，暖暖地铭刻在心里。不再罗嗦，仅想记录思绪。尽量地回味，再慢慢地放下，化为新一年开始之前的一点点精神甜点。

# 1  The Theory of Everything

With regards to Stephen Hawking, this is a very poetic narrative. I was literally immersed in the romantic English atmosphere. Exquisitely crafted. It was really meant to show the biography of Jane Wilde, his wife.  There is always this skepticism in me with regards to first person narratives.  There must be some truths hidden or deliberately left out somewhere.  As the movie goes on to portray their romantic encounters,  Wilde’s unconditional love and sacrifices, Hawking’s brilliant and charismatic personality, I was quietly pondering, “And so, where are the tensions and conflicts? Where are the tears shed? Where are the dark sides of infidelity and weaknesses of human?” As such, I believe it would have been more poignant if imperfections of Wilde and Hawking are addressed as well. Regardless, it spurs quite some discussions with Emilie after the film. She was appalled by the infidelity of Hawking, and questioned that as a disabled, he should not have fallen in love with his nurse. I thought that was labeling human on a moral ground. Says who that a disabled has no right to succumb to human weaknesses and desires? We both agreed in the end that despite his disability, he must be really alluring and charismatic, with his wits and humour. (Yes the kind of humour which requires a second or two to think of what it meant and then decide to laugh, or not.) Worth watching still, for the atmosphere it creates, the Englishness, the romance. It takes good attention span to sit through everything. And my advice is, don’t read up about him prior to watching, it spoils all the surprises.

#2  The Power of Storytelling

由TEDx Taipei 的创始人开讲的讲座。台北人文气息很强。有时我在想，那里还有人相信梦想。在新加坡，我们只是不断地在搓破梦想。我们是否尊重个体？讲求务实和效率，教育慢慢变成大量生产能够维持这种务实和效率的工具。我们的教育系统大批大批地产出医生、律师、工程师、教师。扼杀企业家。安逸、保险，这是我们的教育教会我们的事。慢慢就停止为了梦想而生活。考试制度让人为了生存而考试。真正的教育，我想应该激发人们探索生活，不断追梦。这是许毓仁的讲座留给我的思考。用心去做就好，Trust yourself, in spite of your fears.

#3  地震博物馆

这个展馆也没有什么，不过令人印象深刻是与志工的交谈。他曾经来过新加坡，说看到这里的组屋觉得建得很不安全。如果地震一来就很容易倒塌。又勾起了我觉得自己作为新加坡人，生活太过安逸的想法。我很排斥尝试，因为总害怕失败。老想着稳稳就好。

稳稳确实就好。稳稳却往往不能激发创意，容易让人麻木，忘记初衷。稳稳让人不敢尝试。稳稳就好，是探索的绊脚石，是体验的杀手。稳稳，确实很好。但稳稳，就不会有新的发现。稳稳，就没有毁坏重建的动力。稳稳，告诉我们停止想象，停止超越稳稳的探索。稳稳，是必要的。但稳稳的精髓在于体验之后，建立稳稳。而不是骑驾在别人的稳稳，知其然而不知其所以然。体验后的稳稳， 是我想建立的稳稳。

我想一切都是相对的吧，没有经历过地震，怎能珍惜稳稳？

后记：真的喜欢台湾，打从心底的喜欢。

鹿港小镇

颇有味道的小镇。

绵绵细雨的午后，潮湿的柏油路，悠闲地走着吃着，心情舒畅。做着让自己开心的事。

小巷子，抓紧瞬间，稍纵即逝。

艺术村里制作手工工艺。

很认真哦！

就这样过了一天。

精神浩劫

来不及整理思绪。满了。怎么满法？满得担心没有容量再装下剩下几天的兴奋。同时又担心这样的脑力激荡能否维持。负荷不了。台湾的奇葩之行且恕我一口气把心中想说的都说出来。希望在这个园地里为精神取暖。

921 地震博物馆

地震离我们的生活如此遥远。新加坡人确实太安逸了。志工给我们的分享近乎是在重塑灾难的画面。我们想象中的地震或许是房屋的倒塌、废墟、接踵而来的其他灾难。然后呢？似乎常被忽略的是精神上的大浩劫。因为煤气和瓦斯没被关好而引起的爆炸。烧焦的尸体。截肢的残骸。然后呢？然后是味觉的记忆。一两天后尸体开始腐烂。空气中弥漫的驱之不散的腐蚀味道。死亡的味道。驱之不散，弥漫着。有些人开始呕吐。有些几个月不再敢吃肉。

呐喊、嘶吼。救灾人员没有一刻停歇地工作。没有一刻多余的时间发疯。高速地，机械化地以最有效率的方式提供服务。这就是对人类的爱的表现。如果在这弥漫着驱之不散的腐尸味中，挖出的尸骸是自己亲人、爱人、朋友，是否还能理性化地处理情绪？麻痹自己？

台北，孕育改變。

许毓人，

三十岁以前换过不下十份工。

但找到使命后却燃烧无穷的能量。

TEDX Taipei 的创办人之一，出生平凡却不甘于平凡。

许多台灣人都干著很有心的事。

「新加坡太安逸了」老闆說。

是呀，我们这里缺乏孕育改变的温床。

Confusion

“Coming to terms with what you cannot understand makes it all the more invaluable when you finally do grasp it."

看书时，书和书之间会产生对话。或者之前某些书看不明白，在日后的另一本能够填空。而一本好书更会令人茅塞顿开，把以前一直不理解的内容重新组合，拼出一个所以然。

Veronika decides to die 就是那么一本。然而，如果没有之前的Nth 本，还没经过nth 件事，没有岁月的沉淀，何来这些对话？

绝对是一本想要收藏，必会重读的好书。

回到原点，绕了一大圈。Nth 件不明白事情，nth 本看不太懂的書， Nth 个读不懂的人， Nth 次摸不着脑袋的瞬间。

这些慌乱和懊恼，你们且稍安勿躁，与心对话的它、他、她就在你看不见的转角候着。

Little Miss Sunshine

凉

我叫凉。

全家缺一不可却又最不起眼的那个。

每天看着大家清晨起来匆匆忙忙地梳洗，换好衣服赶去工作。

冲来冲去不懂自己到底在忙什么。

我则特有使命感，因为我知道自己在家里的地位。

每天都重复着，重复着旋转。

特有使命感，

即便是很不起眼，还是大家缺一不可的。

猫猫最喜欢摊在我脚上睡觉，

我想脚的余温给它带来安全感吧。

搞不清楚今天干什么和全世界过不去？

放心，在我面前你可以坦然。

我会给你吹走一整天的不愉快。

不知道为什么今天听歌时竟然落下咸咸的眼泪？

没事，让我把你的泪水风干。

一整天满头大汗？

不要紧，我能让你清爽无比。

每天就这样不停地、重复地转。

特有使命感。

我是凉。

全家缺一不可却又最不起眼的那个。

幸会。

WHY?

"It will not make sense if you understand the what, who, where and how, but do not understand the why. Because why is the driving force towards making things happen. It's where passion lies."

一直很想qualify 这个句子。

It makes sense to you if you know why you are doing things. Yet it will only become purposeful if one has a strong why.

Then it leads me to ponder. Who defines what make up a strong why?

The majority? What if the majority are mad?

Logic? Aren't there many circumstances where logic doesn't apply? Wars, irrational fight of ideology and the likes.

End day I figured it's what speaks to the heart/soul that makes a strong WHY.

And the language of the heart and soul is universal across humanity.

It is ridiculous what led to all these dry and pseudo-philosophical thoughts.

It was a dinner with Emilie and LLB over the Taiwan itinerary.

llb questions "你要去这里做什么？”“为什么要去这里？”

I was actually dumbfounded. 为什么huh? (心理活动）

I never questioned the 为什么？

因为去旅游就要去看看？

因为去过台湾很多次就要去那些没有去过的地方？

因为好像比较好玩？

因为不懂怎么度过几天？

I was glad for the discussions and the suggestions.

Understanding a more purposeful WHY.

因为我要开心。

leads to where

要开心就要超越购物、就要去那些我喜欢去的地方。

leads to what

就要做我喜欢做的事，such as 泡咖啡厅聊天、看书、激发思考的活动、跋山涉水等等等

leads to who

就是和我一起去的人

leads to how.

And llb 就是 how 的钥匙。怎么样才会 Deliberately fulfill a strong and purposeful why.

“你的行程不顺路”

没逻辑。

为什么晚上去？晚上看什么？

有什么展览吗？这个可以问惠娟。

为什么去龙山寺?

llb, the master of constructive criticism. (For what makes constructive criticism, link here.)

原来六何法，看似简单其实很复杂。

就是这样一个不断提问的过程，我明白WHY?

或者why 是我们在心里下意识的呼唤。

但需要梳理才更清晰。

为什么？因为活着要开心。 

PS:又被 llb 指出一堆错别字。-_-"

量的累积会带来质的飞跃

打理生活是一门学问。

许多方面都要从习惯做起。而培养习惯确实考耐力和毅力。

不过一旦习惯建立起来，它的长期效应却令人颇有满足感。

仔细看看，建立起好习惯对我来说，其实开始不难，贯彻始终却不易。

关键是？时间表。

没有时间表的日子，我的时间貌似悠闲，几天下来，却也出现了某种规律。

刷面簿、刷Instagram、刷Pinterest 、刷Pokopang 、刷Qoo10。 

刷完后，又再循环刷。

呵呵，悠闲得非常不充实。

回归时间表，安全感来了，似乎完成更多需要去做的事情。

每天定时写博客、阅读、安排行程、换钱、修表、付费。

时间表是很好的动力，划出了时间表更期待一天慢慢地落实，

然后一个月渐渐看到成效。

例如：每周四去游泳、阅读、打扫办公桌，完成公事。

这个是种生活智慧，慢慢落实、慢慢化成内在规律。

记得德士司机就曾教过我：PSA

Plan、Schedule、 Action 

缺一不可。

No Plan, No Schedule, No action.

No Schedule, Plan 了也难有 Action

No Action, Plan 和 Schedule 也只是空谈。

哇，那么一针见血的见解。

而这样简单的几个动作却如此有力量。 

让我慢慢从工作堆中变得冷静、更加有掌控力。

慢慢地，习惯的长期效应就浮现啦。

Maldcom Gladwell 也说过要掌握任何一项技能，至少要用功一万个小时。

一万个小时。

量的累积会带来质的飞跃

我相信。

而不间断地对失败的反思，能够让那一万个小时带来更加大的效益。

长期的PSA, 何不从今天开始？ 

 

Persona 我狂热自己的模样

你是否知道总理的面簿是由一组人上载打理的？

那些有署名的照片呢？

一样。

我听了后很惊讶。

当下我质疑，那不是欺骗吗？

那是欺骗吗？

那是一个塑造出来的形象。

那是总理希望被人认识的形象。

我们每天在面部上上载的

自己的照片、生活、食物、旅游、看的书、听的歌，

就是真实的自己吗？

是自己的一部分而不是全部。

无论是经过修饰或未经修饰。

别人大可认为是粉饰丑陋、

不过那又何尝不是追求唯美的过程呢？

不一定是真相的全部，也不一定是假象全部。

也许是对真相的追求。

我后来是释怀了。

那个，总理的面簿，即便是亲自打理，

塑造出的形象也不会有多少出入。

毕竟，形象就是自己希望世界看到的自己。

也是自己追求被认可的样子。

且努力变成的样子。

Ferocious Reading

两个月下来，读了好几本书。

全都是英文的耶。

原来阅读是需要静下心来的，

常常，最难熬过的是第一章。

人物太多，容易乱，内容复杂，容易烦。

原来阅读也是可以传染的。

我和老妹一本接着一本，

我买，她读。

我借，她读。

她买，我读。

互相推荐，互相分享，

更有动力也更有乐趣。

这个从什么时候开始呢？

应该是九月吧...

The Valley of Amazement, 嘉欣送的。

然后，就停不下手。

妹妹买了一本 Garden In the Sky,

记录一名加拿大女生到索马里被绑架一年的经历。

断断续续地读完了。

然后偶然去了书展，捞了好几本书。

The Storyteller 深深地把我吸引住了。

把历史如此人性化地处理，

让人们看到黑白间中，真相往往是灰色的。

接着，我开始迷上了Jodi Picoult.

妹妹先前买的三本她的书，一直在书架上发霉。

结果我开始读了。

Perfect Match.

如此耸动，情节峰回路转，

又一次挑战道德和价值观两者之间的灰色地带。

怎能写得那么好？

于是，忍不住读了Vanishing Acts ，

结果相比前面两本，相对逊色了，

所以也不用多做介绍。

后来，妹妹不停地吹捧The Perfume Collector.

看了，哇。

淡淡的20年代的巴黎，在脑海中熏香。

既含蓄又张扬。

原来味觉的记忆是深远而悠长的。

那么一句话也深深地撼动我，

"Not everything in this world is black or white, Sis.'
'Sure it is,' Sis eyed her harshly. 'The sooner you figure that out, the easier life goes for you. Good, bad, right, wrong. You wanna live in the grey area, you're gonna find out you don't know your ass from your elbow.' She lifted another pile of sheets. 'And mark my words, grey turns to black pretty damn fast.'"

曾在灰色地带徘徊过的，怎么可能再回归单纯？

接着下来，在机场忍不住买下了一直很想看的 The Alchemist.

看完后，似懂非懂。

就像看小王子那样，

简单得好复杂。

需要一点慧根和一点傻劲去欣赏的。

现在，读着 The Innocent Man.

不停的读着。

这段话也不停地蹦出来

"We often underestimate the power of what we can accomplish in the long term, and overestimate the our capacity to do things in the short term."

和语言的渊源从小学就开始。

重拾这股劲，

只有一个字形容：

爽！

如果你有闲情就一本，我推荐：

冥思

Since I am locked out of the house, 

Might as well try and do something more productive than surfing facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and cat watching. Well Nana is voluntary locked out. Enjoying her sun and scratchin. neighbour's sofa.

I broke my 30 day writing marathon,  and decides to launch it again. 

Building this routine to pen down thoughts. I figured it'd be somehow useful when I aged and tries to relive memories. 

I talk to myself a lot, in my mind. Where bee whenever. I wonder if everyone experiences this kind of self thought process? Heard that it can cause fatigue and depression.

Odd.

Anyway I shall launch a photo oraganization project. Inspired by my cousins who fervently scrapbooked all the family trips on and off. A whole shelf of memories they have filed.

Here goes the self improvement efforts!

The alchemist

In the midst of reading this book.

Reminds me of "The Little Prince".

Sometimes we need a little fantasy to show us some true meaning to essential things.

As with "what is essential is invisible."

"And when you want something, the whole universe conspires to help you achieve it."

There is some unspeakable power in repetition.

It reinforces belief. 

幸福爆漿

幸福滿滿。

四年沒有回高煙，可是這裏和我童年中的檳城幾乎一模一樣，好像時間不曾流逝過。

熟悉的煮炒攤、叔叔家裡每個角落熟悉的擺設、熟悉的街道、熟悉的一切。

熟悉的長輩們，

比我們還要鬼馬。

就這樣的溫馨感覺，

就算一年沒見，各忙各的，回到這裡不用暖身，第一秒就是熟悉的擁抱，

自然輕切。

穩穩的幸福，在每一個鏡頭的喀嚓剩下被收錄存檔。

發啦！

哎呀～我快興奮得受不了啦！

你喝過沒？這裏的bua long long, 俗氣不堪的名字。

味蕾也收藏著回憶。一回來必吃的Assam laksa, 炒粿條、紅豆冰等等等。今天幸福爆漿呢！

开心是一个人也不感到寂寞

这还真不是今天的状态。

教训：不可 以扰乱睡眠时间，否则就会破坏 一个人的充实。

暗恋

怎么那么说出了我的心情呢？

暗恋其实是极含蓄又特别张扬的过程呀。

就喜欢暗恋的过程。

有点小小的虚荣，

满足自己想要塑造的形象

或者希望对方看到的形象。

然，它也是如此隐蔽的。

就那种，欲说还休。

没有说出的言语胜过表达出的千言万语。

淡淡的。

擦肩而过。

暗恋，也可以是一个小宇宙。

所有的澎湃往里收，

又是悄然得差点窒息。

但无论如何都十分享受期间

千变万化的猜测、心动、懊恼、尴尬。

那么五味杂陈。

有时甚至开始怀疑，

到底是迷恋一个人，

还是迷恋暗恋他的过程。

难以克制内心的所有突然引爆的激动。

或者那就最自私、最以自我为中心的过程吧。

那个过程，

就叫暗恋。

有别于

热恋

有别于

初恋

有别于

失恋

有别于

眷恋。

那是让思绪最浮躁

跳跃

激动

凌乱

的时候。

唉，

暗恋就是这么一回事。

且让我继续，暗恋。

：）