It all started with a silly routine I wanted to bound myself to, to write continuously everyday for 30 days. I thought this could build some discipline in me and offer me something to occupy myself with daily. Now spanning almost 20 entries, stopping twice since I embarked on this project. Those times which i stopped, it wasn't because there was nothing to write about. In fact they were times i was so drained with all the excitement in me I was too tired to pen anything down. And perhaps the speed of recording those thoughts with an iPhone could not contain the exploding excitement in me. Yes, trembling as I pen them down, so overflowing that it was too tiring to be recording.
Just write.
I have to say, I deal with my inner demons everyday. Am I giving the right impression when I broached sensitive subjects? Will people judge me? What if I revealed my insecurities? What if it is a load of rubbish? They haunt me constantly. Regardless, I write.
Sometimes I even ask myself why I post them out for others to read? The faceless others. Perhaps it was to carass my vanity, yearning for a head nod, craving that someone who share similar experiences would start to offer words of affirmation. Sometimes hoping to create a dialogue on issues I care about. Other times to increase the visibility of my words, to motivate myself in completing this project I've started. Regardless, I write.
It can be a lonely journey, dealing with my inner being and the many faceless others. What absurdity greater than craving my words speak to another soul and at the same time pondering, does it serve myself? Or does it serve others? Regardless, I write.
Let the motive take care of itself, and the heart be filled.
Just write.
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