i am indulging in my grief and self pity again.

lao niang trilogy.
ha.ha. going up again as laoniang.
laughing at myself.
peeps laughed at me too.
"LAO NIANG!" they were shouting.
"lao niang..." there i sat crying.
i am an entertainer.
i wanna entain only for my passion. for peeps who are closed to my hearts.
i am not lao niang.

shortest appearance, longest preparation. cos got so many pdps to co ordinate.

i wanna be this fat and this happy again!!! lost 6 kg since my china trip. amazing weight lost. where is my passion for chinese? i'm losing it.

self pitying. i think i'm always taking things too seriously i end up hurting myself. getting sad and angry over nothing.

like this happens since young and like llb says, i've grown up and cannot always act like a kid.冲动。意气用事。

i remembered when i was yong, had a little fight with mum and she said sth like. "in that case dun eat what i cook" and i took her word for that and i refused to eat that whole day.

i remembered in sec sch days i qurrelled with my parents because my fringe was long and it accidentally touched the soup which a was drinking. they scolded me and kept on scolding and scolding. i got so angry i went to the toilet and cut the fringe away at one go.

i remembered kneeling down in front of my parents and rebutting them.

i remembered running to the toilet to cry straight in their face and just kept sceaming at them.

i remembered getting angry at llb because i tot i was defending my luyuan (which was way too aggressive) when she was just being frank and straightforward and i got angry and i cried and blocked her.

i am really rebellion in my thinking and i've never grown up.

dun take everything so seriously shiyun. life is only a game afterall.